life

Changing From Boy to Man

One afternoon, at the church library, a friend and I got into a conversation about what makes a man. Not so much the biology—what makes male different from female—as about what makes man different from boy.

Was it as simple as age? Or as superficial as appearance? Or did it come down to how many attributes he fulfilled as defined by Art of Manliness? Who's to say what the standard is, anyway—are you looking to judge this according to the holy book, or by the stick of our society and culture? (And God knows the latter has given us everything—from toxic hyper-masculinity to passive emasculation—but the answer.)

At one point we rattled off a bunch of people we knew. Look at this guy, he said. He has a steady job, a wife and two kids. He takes good care of his body and fixes things around the house. Agreed—he's a man. This other guy...he's living at home with his parents, struggling to make ends meet. He hasn't figured out a direction for his life. He calls him a boy.

Words From My Father

Do not forsake the wisdom of your elders. 

Older people, your parents especially, have many years of experience and insight to bring to the table. And if they love you, you will hear the truth. Because they aren't afraid to tell you like it really is. 

In these moments, be ready to receive it. Do not harden yourself to their words, because only foolish people spurn wisdom. And you don't want to be a fool.

I say this because I had a decision to make this morning. Would I carry this hurt, or would I learn to let it go? Last night my mom brought something up from the past, something I didn't think was a big deal. Something I had already apologized for. And it hurt. Why hasn't she gotten over this? I thought she had forgiven me. And I didn't even think it was my fault to begin with. Poor communication, perhaps. But my intentions weren't wrong.

On turning 30

Today I'm turning 30. 

I've been reflecting over the past few weeks on my life up to this point. The day has come sooner than I thought, though in some sense it took forever to get here. I've had many losses and triumphs, some bumps and bruises along the way that were necessary to get here in retrospect. There were also some things I thought I'd have by now that I don't. 

Thanks for the Memories, Oregon

There are moments you can plan for on a trip, but the memories you take away with you sometimes come when least expected.

The stars lit our way back home as we drove into the night. The sky was dark but not dim; in the distance tall silhouettes of trees swept by like blurred shadows. The only sound was the rolling air as we cut through the wind. Stars, trees, sky, air.

The surroundings were simple, almost cliche, but in this moment I was lost. Not forgotten, but absorbed. Into something greater and more sublime that for minutes I had ceased from the world's troubles and my own.

Bob Goff Taught Me Love Does

A couple weeks ago I got to meet one of my heroes, Bob Goff. He's a hard guy to miss. A 6'4 giant with an infectious smile and laugh, Bob can light up any place — even a funeral. When I walked up to him and extended my hand, he declined. He went in for a bear hug instead. "I don't do handshakes, only hugs," Bob said.

That one gesture really encapsulates the way Bob does life. He doesn’t settle for anything — he goes all in, all the time. I mean, just look at his life. He works as a lawyer and a college professor. On his “spare” time, he serves as the Honorary Consul for Uganda and also oversees Restore International, a non-profit founded to combat injustices against children in different parts of the world. Shaping the next generation of leaders and saving the world at the same time? No big deal.