A Day is All We Ever Got

A day is all we ever got.

I was reminded of this simple truth as I was watching, of all things, the movie In Time starring Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried. (Great premise, decently executed.) Yet, it felt like it touched a part of me that’s felt more real during this season of life.

A day is all I ever got.

What I mean is, my mind can get ahead of me. I've long wrestled with irrational fear, the sense of uncertainty about my life and the future. Being in a pandemic plus having a child has only heightened this fear.

embracing loneliness

Sometimes I feel the path I've been called to requires loneliness.
I know in my heart I long for community, friendship, family.
But I'm seeing how easily one can be swayed in the crowd.
I've always looked at loneliness as a bad thing.
And in some cases it definitely can be.
But sometimes embracing your individuality and learning who you are
needs to be in the self-reflection.

-M.F.

In the Midst of Strife, A Quiet Resolve

If the events of the past weeks and months have shown me anything, it’s the tension of balancing many different, and at times conflicting, emotions all at once.

How do I grieve for a group of people who is enduring a type of pain I can never fully understand, and what to do about that pain?

How do I offer a compassion apart from a knowledge of suffering, and feel for them without becoming numb or fatigued?

What sorts of actions can I undertake when I don't have (or feel like I don’t have) the direct ability to change anything?

How does this affect how I am living and the people around me? How does this issue relate to my surrounding community, culture, and country?

It's the unfortunate and complicated paradox of life.

Five Years Time: Quick Reflection

I recently got to thinking about my life journey, and I can't help but marvel at it all.

At the beginning of 2016 I had just gotten married, and fast forward five years later, I'm now celebrating 100 days with my newborn daughter.

In between that time, I've moved 3 times, bought my first house, switched jobs twice, co-founded 2 small businesses, enrolled in seminary, traveled to various parts of Asia, and served as a college & young adult counselor.

Thoughts on AAPI Violence

I don’t remember exactly the time, only the thoughts and emotions I felt.

In those long hours sometime between dusk and midnight, before my wife would go into delivery, I had a lot of time to sit there and think.

We were about to bring a little girl into this world, and I was overjoyed. It was a long journey to get to this point and we couldn’t wait.

There was another part of me, though, that held a fear and uncertainty about the future. What kind of world would we be bringing her into?

For weeks I had been processing through the anger, grief, and disillusionment over the recent spate of attacks and killings against the AAPI community. More than ever, I was fearful for my parents, fearful for my pregnant wife, fearful for my elderly uncles and aunties.