Note: This post isn’t to take away from the main narrative or push an argument. I’m just trying to make a safe space to shed light into some conversations we might find difficult with our first-generation immigrant parents. Read on as you wish.
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I went back to visit the folks last night. Check in on them, grab some of mom’s good ol’ home-cooking. Lord knows we could all use some family bonding right now. But, at this moment, even family could be a source of tension.
Somewhere in the middle of our meal, there was a lull in the conversation. Pause. At this point, I just had to ask. “Dad…what do you think of the protests?”
This was hard.
It was hard because my dad’s liquor store burned down in the LA riots of ‘92. Everything he had put into that store, built it up for, was ultimately for a better life for us. He couldn’t find a job for the next two years. We all remember how difficult life was during that time.
I was afraid what truths I might uncover in that question. My dad never talked much about that event, but I know it still affects him. Might I come to discover my fears being realized, that my father has carried anti-black sentiment all these years and now it’s out in the open once and for all?
He said, “I don’t agree with the looters and riots. I feel sad for all those business owners who lost their stores. But I don’t disagree with the protests. The people have a right to protest. What the cop did to that man was wrong.”
We went back to our meal, and I with a mild sense of relief. Why did I even doubt, I thought. My father has a magnanimous heart and never seemed racist. But then again, how would I really know? We never talked about race.
He’s not a perfect man. His broad strokes around certain groups or issues can be a bit reductionistic. And neither am I. But he had the wisdom and experience to see through to the other side of things. He could say that a black man’s life mattered, and he could lament how he lost his business in the riots.
What it reaffirmed to me is this. The answers to all of this is not as simple as we’d like. It’s not binary. Amidst the media outlets and news streams, we might have lost the ability to have civil discourse. Even, or perhaps especially, with our loved ones.
We, as a people, can hold two positions at once.
We hate how our stores burn down. And we hate the injustice that lead to their burning.
We don’t condone brutality. And we don’t condemn all cops.
We have made progress. And we still have not made enough.
As we continue to process all of this, may we give each other grace and lead with compassion. Let’s do more listening, less assuming, more learning.
It might just make those tough conversations a little less tough. And, hopefully, we might help each other push the needle a little further towards justice and truth.