Some Days I Feel OK

Some days I feel OK, some days I don’t.

Some days I’ll get out of bed, some days I won’t.

Some days I feel trapped—inside my mind, inside this house, inside this world.

Some days I spend my time wondering if I’ve missed my prime or if it’s still to come.

Some days I’m left with too much time.

Some days I’m left with too much regret.

Some days I wonder if this will last for some days or some months.

Some days I think of the stories that unraveled, the times I flipped, the people who are no longer in my life.

Some days I think back to the people I’ve hurt, the relationships I’ve let sour, the moments I’ve missed.

Some days I think I’m too old to feel this way.

Some days I remind myself I’m human and I should give myself some grace.

Some days I pray hoping this will go away.

Some days I pray God sees me faithful even if it doesn’t.

Some days I think this is the best of a bad situation. That my loved ones are healthy and safe, and I’m not worrying about bills. That I’m stuck with a person who gets me, laughs and gives me levity. Allows me to work through my thoughts even when I’m socially distant.

Some days I think about all these things and more.

But today, while I’m alive and my lungs are working, I get the chance to say thanks. And sorry. And put some pieces back into place.

And to know that you and I matter, somehow, even when all of life seems so very insignificant.

I hope to have some more of these days.